10 New Uses for Returned Engagement Rings

 

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Ok. So she said “No.” Not the end of the world. But, now you’re stuck with this ring. So what to do with it?

1) Turn it into a lure. This is quite simple. All you do is take a regular fishing pole, take the end of the line and securely tie it around the band of the ring. Make sure you really tie the knot well (…sorry for wedding metaphor). Now you’re ready for fun. Hide out some where (a park, parking lot, Mets game, etc.) and simply cast your ring-bait. Then wait. Some greedy minded person will see it glittering brightly (…if it’s of glittering grade quality), and come a’ runnin’. Right before they snatch it up, you reel it in! Watch the disappointment wash over their face and giggle.

BONUS: If a beautiful woman goes for it, let her catch it and pretend it was all a plan to get her attention. Then you are that much closer to a new, better fiancée.

2) Use in place of a bow on a scroll. If you have a very important document to deliver to someone (a diploma, a treasure map, a jury duty summons, etc.) you usually keep it rolled up by tying it with a fancy ribbon. Think of the impact that paper would now have if it were held in place with a sparkling diamond ring! The recipient will undoubtedly give considerable weight to the contents of your parchment and treat it accordingly. From that point on, every message that comes from you will be treated with the ut most priority, even tweets.

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3) A collar for your favorite mouse. Nothing glams up your prized pet mouse like a fancy choker made from a diamond ring. Soon to be the envy of every other rodent around, your proud critter also shows the world just how much you care for even the most diminutive of your pals.

BONUS: Keep him in your pocket and continually refer to yourself as “we.” When someone asks “Do you have a mouse in your pocket?”, let his head pop out a bit. Everyone will not only be impressed with your cleverness, but also your impeccable taste in varmint couture.

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4) For trick pool shots. Nailing that behind the back ‘9 ball in the corner pocket’ shot will be a breeze utilizing your old engagement ring. With a perfectly placed ring used in lieu of a bridge, you’ll be the coolest billiard bro in the bar. Simply slide your stick through the band and then hold the ring up by the prongs, or place the ring face down and apply a little pressure on the bottom of the mounting to keep it in place. You’ll then be free to sink that shot with ease (*extra points doing so with a “no-look,” faux-bored expression).

5) As a bottle opener. It’s almost as if these things were made specifically for this. All you have to do is thread the ring through your keychain so you have it ready at all times. Next time your buddy is in need of an opener, just snatch that cold one from his hand and pop the cap with the mounting. Then bask in the looks of admiration from around the bar or backyard BBQ. Also works on cans (*this comes in handy if a lady with long nails has one – you’ll be her no-chip hero).

6) Tagging. Anybody can tag a wall with spray paint; it takes a very special kind of graffiti artist to etch his initials/name/slogan into actual glass. Nothing scratches windows as easily and efficiently as diamond. Use the flat portion of the diamond’s crown (the top) for wider, thicker strokes, and the edge of the girdle (the sharp corner) for more precise detailing. After you put your intaglio into the pane of your choosing, add your own little diamond shaped insignia for extra panache.

BONUS: This also works for leaving messages for people if you don’t have a pen.

7) As a belt for heroic action figures. If you have some Star Wars figurines still in the original box, it’s time to take them out; they’re actually about to get more valuable. Just place the ring around the waist of your favorite posable Jedi, G.I. Joe or Ghostbuster. They will be instantly converted into inter-galactic emperors or World Wrestling Federation champions, and hailed as king over all the other man-toys.

8) Placeholder for golf ball. You’ve just sent a missile down the fairway. You’re feeling good. Next you’re on the green, where each of your mates is using a quarter to mark where their ball has landed. Not you. You plunk down a diamond ring. Everyone gawks in wonder. You’re officially the biggest pimp on the course…even if you’re wearing plaid pants.

via Reddit
via Reddit

9) Impersonate a mobster. Wear the ring yourself, but on your pinky. Then you will be able to leisurely walk into any social club and order a nice shot of grappa without getting any sideways looks. Really try to show your ability to deliver “respect.” Once you’ve thoroughly established yourself there, over time, you’ll eventually be able to have the really green recruits kiss your ring.

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10) Turn it into literally anything else. Your unused engagement ring can easily transform into a jet ski, speedboat, lifetime supply of Cap’n Crunch, trip to Cambodia, hand gliding lessons or an ATV. It actually can become anything that can be purchased with currency. All you have to do is first convert it to tangible money. This is the easiest part. You simply bring your diamond to Diamond Lighthouse and let the experts go to work. They’ll get you the maximum payout possible for your antiquated rock, in a really quick turn around time, too. Once you’re paid, then it’s time to buy yourself practically anything under the sun and enjoy the sweet life.

BONUS: Selling with Diamond Lighthouse not only gets you the most money feasible, is fast, reliable and reputable, but their customer service team is also super friendly and helpful. As in, come over and fix your carburetor or unclog your sink drain helpful.

Let’s get started.

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-Joe Leone

 

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One thought on “10 New Uses for Returned Engagement Rings

  1. very inventive – but you are right cash is king. Like using it to take a trip to Aruba to scope out the honeys on the beach. Soon your ex will be just reminder of your awesome Caribbean vacation. Pasa bon dia !!!!

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