Tag Archives: break up

Keys to a Pain Free Break-up

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We’ve all been there.  Your once dynamic and fun relationship has faded to a dull, listless obligatory chore.  Whether you both are aware of the inevitable and impending split or if your partner is calmly rowing down a river in Egypt, it’s time to get this done.  But how do you sever ties without crushing your once-beloved?  There is no easy answer, but here we have collected a few of the more tried and true methods for separating with mutual respect and consideration.

Location & Date (…to no longer Date)

Choose the right locale and time.  This may seem fairly obvious, but some individuals may become angered and, in the heat of the moment, break up with someone during an important time/date in their partner’s life.  Clearly birthdays, major holidays and other key life events are taboo.  You don’t want your future ex dredging up the awful memory of your break-up every time they see a plump and delicious Thanksgiving turkey, do you?  While not wanting to pick the wrong time to break things off can be an invaluable tool for chronic break-up-procrastinators, there will always be appropriate windows to choose from.  Just pick the right time and strike with precision.

By the same token, you don’t want to do it in a place that they associate with something special or positive (their parent’s home, their place of worship, their favorite Chuck E. Cheese, etc.)  Just choose a nice, neutral, bland spot and get it over with.  Hopefully this will help make the event as non-memorable as humanly possible.

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Some Privacy, Please

While it may be all too tempting to want to execute the break up in a public place, with the goal of mitigating the emotional outpouring of the break-up-ee, this is a bad idea.  Trying to control their emotional state by enforcing societal restrictions on them may only make matters worse; meaning, they could become even more upset and make a real scene (screaming, glass throwing, hair pulling/extraction).  Just find a simple, quiet, private place and deliver the bad news.  This way they can express their feelings honestly without having to worry about looking like a fool to others or having to try to suppress their sadness.

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Face to face

Surely your once-adored sweetie deserves some face time (and no, not the “Face Time” app) for this occasion.  Be a grown-up, look them in the eyes and give it to ‘em straight.  This actually helps give both of you some closure.  If your relationship is still on the very green side, then a heartfelt phone call may suffice (but never, ever, ever a text – this is the message delivery equivalent of saying “You’re as valuable to me as a tweet about Trump.”)

The Truth Hurts…but is appreciated.

In trying to spare someone’s feelings, the go-to move is to concoct a host of reasons why the relationship failed that you personally deem ‘not that damaging.’  While certain hurtful things are unnecessary and can be omitted (“It’s true: you really did look fat in those pants”), the crux of your decision to break-up with them must be plainly shared.  If you come up with some elaborate lie about how you need to move to Iceland, the truth will inevitably come back to them, and subsequently you.  You’re not sparing them anything by fibbing; you’re only causing them to question things that are difficult or impossible to comprehend.  If you are honest, then they can assess the situation for what it really is, and this will help them (and you) move on in a mature and healthy way.

Poker Face (no, don’t ‘poke her/his face,’ just remain calm)

A common reaction people undergo when being broken up with is not only sadness but unbridled anger.  If this should be the scenario you find yourself in, just keep your own emotions in check.  Don’t fight back, just try to really listen to them.  Let them get whatever is driving them mad in the moment off their chest.  They will eventually lose steam and the storm will pass.  If you stay sympathetic during this period, the end result can be that you may actually part civilly.  However, don’t try to push for an immediate friendship (if that’s not coming organically).  Obviously many people need a healing/adjustment period if this is ever going to be the case.

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-Joe Leone 

Divorce Rates and the Economy

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Locked in a loveless marriage for years, the prospect of divorce can seem impossible given certain economic restraints.  Simply put, when you’re broke, you just can’t afford to separate.  So, over the last few years, there has been good news on both fronts: the economy has gone up, as well as divorce rates.

Bloomberg.com found that “the number of Americans getting divorced rose for the third year in a row to about 2.4 million in 2012, after plunging in the 18-month recession ended June 2009, according to U.S. Census Bureau data.”

With the newfound freedom of financial stability, divorce rates have peaked.  This is in stark contrast to the way things were in 2008, on the tail of the massive recession.  Divorce rates shriveled up then.  This is not an anomaly, historically speaking.  As reported by latimes.com, “’This is exactly what happened in the 1930s,’ said Johns Hopkins University sociologist Andrew Cherlin. ‘The divorce rate dropped during the Great Depression not because people were happier with their marriages, but because they couldn’t afford to get divorced.’”

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According to huffingtonpost.com, “divorce rates declined after the economy took a hit in 2007, which some scholars later hailed as a “silver lining” to the recession, espousing that couples became stronger in a time of crisis.”  A more accurate interpretation of this data has revealed that couples were not banding together to combat the wintry economic climate, but simply that legally separating was not financially feasible for them.  The cost of the divorce itself, court mandated alimony or child support fees, realty agent costs for securing new housing, everyday bills no longer split between two people; these are all factors which keep a couple forcibly intact.

The relationship between divorce and the economy isn’t one sided either.  Since the inception of widespread splitting, divorce has had a resolutely adverse impact on the financial well being of the country.  As stated by economicdevelopment.org:  “Divorce slows economic growth with its negative impact on productivity.”  The newly single enjoy less salary bumps than those in similar positions who are married, especially men.  Equally (negatively) affected are women, and their offspring: “women and children in single-parent households are at particular risk for living in poverty and indeed family earnings for half of the nation’s children have been falling over time,” reports brookings.edu.  However, there is one noteworthy aspect of the economy which is positively affected: the housing industry.  When a couple splits, the need for at least one more lodging often arises.  In some circumstances, both parties will leave the place they currently inhabit, thus two new spaces are sought.  This has contributed to a boost in apartment complex construction, in addition to regular smaller houses.  Then, naturally, are all the new things that go into the home: appliances, furnishings, decorations, etc.

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-house-grab-handsAn interesting statistic that goes hand in hand with the divorce rate increase is the simultaneous rise in birth rate.  While these two seem diametrically opposed, the reality is that the couples that do indeed stay together during finically booming times are becoming less reluctant to take on the notoriously high costs of child rearing.  “Birth rates and divorce rates are rising. We may even see them rise strongly in the next couple of years, as households who put off these life-changing events decide to act.” says Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Analytics (theatlantic.com).  Thus a homeostatic level of population is organically reached: some couples are splitting apart, but the ones that stay together are conceiving will vigor.

As the economy (hopefully) continues to rebound, it is not certain whether divorce percentages will be buoyed at the same rate.  Whatever the implications of a thriving national economy ultimately are, most people can agree that it’s a positive thing when we can enjoy more and more freedoms, whatever they may be.

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If you have gone through a divorce and need additional funds, a profitable and stress-free solution is to sell your old diamond engagement and/or wedding ring with Diamond Lighthouse.  We are experts at procuring the most money for you, so you can put it towards a new home, transportation costs, childcare or any other relevant expense.  We put you in full control of the process, so you can confidently move on – all on your own terms.

Find out more.

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-Joe Leone

Social Media Ruined My Marriage!

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It’s pretty obvious that excessive social media usage (read: Facebooking) is not the healthiest thing for a marriage.  Now there’s empirical evidence to back it up.  A two year study spanning 2011-2012 executed by researchers at Boston University found that “a 20 percent annual increase in Facebook enrollment was associated with anywhere from a 2.18 percent to a 4.32 percent increase in divorce rates.”  Divorce Online reported “A third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word ‘Facebook’.” Continue reading Social Media Ruined My Marriage!

Who Cares about Valentine’s Day? 8 Reasons Feb. 14 is So Much More!

Valentine’s Day is hard if you’re single. Especially if it’s your first single V-Day in a while. Whether you just got divorced or went through a bad break up, the last thing you want to think about is all those happy little couples going on their happy little dates and you just wish you could wring their happy little necks. Unfortunately, that would technically be considered assault. So instead of committing a felony, celebrate something else this year. There are so many things that happened on Feb. 14 that are way cooler than some greeting card holiday. For example:

1. Do you live in Oregon or Arizona? It’s Statehood Day!

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Residents of Oregon and Arizona never have to celebrate Valentine’s Day again. Feb. 14 is the anniversary of the day they became states, in 1859 and 1912 respectively. If you live in either state, you don’t even have to think about heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. When someone wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day, just smile and say right back to them, “Happy Statehood Day!” If you don’t live in one of those two states, maybe now’s the time to move. We hear Arizona is lovely this time of year. Or go to Portland and open that combination bookstore/coffee shop/puppy massage parlor you’ve always dreamed of.

Continue reading Who Cares about Valentine’s Day? 8 Reasons Feb. 14 is So Much More!