Tag Archives: broken engagement

Diamond No-No’s

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-moissanite-engagement-ring-linen

So you’ve got a diamond.

A beautiful, sparkling, glorious diamond.  It can twinkle in the dimmest of light.  It can turn heads from across the room.  It is absolutely perfect.

Except for one little thing.  It has __________.

“Well, what’s the ‘blank’?” you indignantly wonder.  “My diamond has great specs!”  That may be, but there are factors that go beyond just the basic 4C’s that can have a surprisingly drastic affect on a diamond’s value. 

Let’s now take a look at some of the most prevalent and also some of the more obscure things that can negatively impact your diamond and its overall resale value.  

Fracture Filling

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-shattered-glass

If your diamond has undergone fracture filling, you yourself may end up filled with despair.  This is a process that is applied to natural diamonds to essentially ‘fill up’ internal cracks within the stone (to improve their clarity – ergo, this is a brand of “clarity enhancement”).  The fractures are filled with a substance (a lead oxychloride glass epoxy) that has a similar refractive index to diamond (thereby maintaining its normal sparkle), in order to best mask the flaws to the naked eye.  If these cracks run all the way up to the surface, the glass-based glop can just be injected right in; if not, then the stone must be “laser drilled” to get in there (we’ll get to that whole practice in just a minute).  “So, what’s so bad about that?” you justifiably may be thinking.  The problem is this; the solutions used to fill in those fractures do not have the same remarkably high heat index that diamonds have.  So, when a jeweler is positioning a diamond into a new piece of jewelry, or even just fixing a banged up old band or what have you, they use a torch.  This torch doesn’t damage diamond at all, but the heat can cause the diamond to ‘sweat out’ the filling material, like a fat man on a treadmill after a night of drinking spiked egg nog.  Hence, the fractures are now visible again and the stone’s clarity grade takes a nosedive.  Just how bad is this?  It’s so bloody awful that the GIA won’t even issue certificates for stones that have undergone fracture filling.  The most aggravating part of this whole mess is that some companies do not inform their customers that the stones they are purchasing are fracture filled.  So there you are, ignorantly walking around with a diamond that’s filled with other stuff.  Please at least attempt to refrain from murdering anyone who sold you one of these fracture filled farces.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-three-stones-fracture-filled-close-upDiamond-Lighthouse-selling-fracture-filling-close-up

 

Laser Drilling

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-laser-drilling

While this process sounds quite high tech (and a little James Bond-ish), it’s nothing to be that excited about.  It’s another method employed to remove ugly, nasty or just mean spirited inclusions in diamonds.  By drilling to the root of the undesired blotch in the stone (which is just a piece of black carbon that came together as the diamond formed), you expose the inclusion.  The you can pour a little, good ole fashioned sulfuric acid down the hole and burn that droll smudge out of there.  The drill that’s used is, of course, an infrared laser, and the hole that it bores into the stone is microscopic.  Meaning, you can’t see these channels without the aide of a loupe, microscope or psychically charged ‘third eye.’  The dilemma inherent in laser drilled diamonds is that their internal structure has now been messed with.  Who’s to say that the drilling process didn’t corrupt the integrity of the diamond; incipient cracks could be on the cusp of erupting at any time.  The stone may be fine, but there’s just no way to tell.  So as a result, professional diamond buyers are reluctant to acquire such stones – which may vengefully come back to bite them in the tuckus later.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-laser-drilling-close-up

 

Irradiation

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-tanning-bed-chick

Take a long hard look at your diamond…do you suspect that it’s been violently blasted with neutrons and electrons?  Irradiation is a type of “color enhancement,” and if you have a white diamond, logic would dictate that you probably don’t have to worry too much about this (meaning that the process improves colored diamonds, not that it ameliorates a not so great white diamond’s color grade).  It’s a procedure that utilizes radiation in order to alter colored diamonds at the atomic level, amping their color up from a dull and listless hue to a bright and boisterous shade.  Aside from very rare cases where diamonds can actually undergo irradiation naturally, while still in the ground, stones that have been through this intense tanning bed experience are considered ‘altered,’ ‘treated’ and ‘fake-baked’ to diamond purists.  Translation: valued less.             

 

HPHT

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-lab-equipment

This abbreviation stands for “High Pressure High Temperature,” and is a procedure that has been riddled with controversy since its inception.  Scientists working at General Electric at the end of the 20th century discovered that they could, more or less, heat and squeeze all the hideous tints out of diamonds, thus making them clear as day.  A bit of an oversimplification, but the overall HTHP operation, which somehow zaps poor color out of white diamonds and also intensifies shades in colored stones, became embroiled in scandal when many of the diamonds that went through this molecular rigamarole were passed off as naturally occurring.  Again, within the milieu of diamond connoisseurs, these rocks just don’t fly as the real deal, and are intrinsically worth significantly less than their organic counterparts.  HPHT stones are given an intaglio on the girdle which demarcates their altered nature, but this can be easily removed, further fueling the ire directed at these augmented diamonds.  

 

Fluorescence  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-fluorescent-light

In all honesty, this one is a little baffling.  Here is an extensive run down on what fluorescence is and how it can affect your diamond – but the bottom line is that in today’s market, diamonds that exhibit strong fluorescence are unfortunately less desirable.  In the most basic, rudimentary terms, fluorescence is what turns a diamond blue when placed under a black light.  That’s it.  Once in an unfavorably blue moon, a diamond that has strong fluorescence may appear a bit milky when viewed in regular light, but this fickle property of fluorescence is usually just invisible altogether.  The reason why this currently is viewed as a negative is rather up in the air, but if your diamond has fluorescence, you’re up a creek sans a rowing device.   

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-ring-fluorescence-blue

 

Doublet

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-twin-babies-blue-eyes

This is extremely rare in the diamond world, as it would seem that not even the most disreputable jeweler would try to dupe you with one of these, but stranger things have happened.  This is where the top portion of a diamond (the table) is a real, authentic stone; the bottom (the pavilion) however, is a simulant.  Either C.Z. or quartz or some other damnable fake.  The two parts are glued together and violà; a gem that reads as real when viewed from above, but is a total sham when you look up its rear.    

The only way to know for sure if your diamond has been cursed with any of these dastardly traits is to have it evaluated by a knowledgeable professional.  Thankfully, the expert gemology staff at Diamond Lighthouse is at your disposal.  If you possess a sizable diamond (1 carat and higher) that you’re looking to sell, we can perform a comprehensive test on in, making sure that it is not afflicted with any of the aforementioned natural or man-made maladies.  This evaluation and shipping are both totally free as well.  How’s that for service?  We’ll also find you the absolute best price imaginable for your diamond.  Find out more here

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-fracture-filled-close-up-flash-effect

-Joe Leone 

10 reasons why you should sell your diamonds IMMEDIATELY

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-Rick-Ross-Indian-necklace-fire

All across the country, many people can be found who own diamonds.  Some women wear them on the forth finger of their left hand to indicate that you shouldn’t ask them out; others sport large versions of the stones, hanging from their ears, as an alternative to “spacers”; certain gentlemen, who recite lyrical words for a living into microphones, have diamonds embedded into miniature avatars of themselves that hang from gilded chains around their necks.  Then there are the people that have diamonds hidden in their attics, in tiny treasure chests, saving them in the event of a complete economic breakdown where we must resort back to a pre-civilized barter system.  Of all the multitude of the diamond hoarding human classifications, there is one thing that unites them: they all should sell their diamonds ASAP.

Here’s why:

1 – Walking around with valuable pieces of glittering, sparkling glass fragments on your body is a surefire way to draw the attention of criminals looking to make an easy score.  Just look at what happened to Batman’s parents.  Ditch those pricey pieces post haste, before you become the prime target for a malicious mugging/horrendous hugging.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-scared-woman-robbery-hand

2 – In the same way that you become the pièce d’ résistance for professional bandits, you make yourself ready bait for bothersome relatives and deadbeat friends.  They won’t rob you in quite the exact aggressive manner as the aforementioned gem-snatchers, but they will bombard you with nonstop requests for monetary assistance.  The ugly, glittering truth is that they are not even to blame; by wearing diamonds you turn yourself into a walking billboard for ostentatious luxury and arrogant opulence.   

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-french-bulldog-cute-paw

3 – You work hard every day at your job.  You put in extra hours, you follow up with all business leads that may benefit the company – you even attend the damnable Holiday Party every year with a warm (however forced and obsequious) grin on your face.  Think you’re due for a raise, right?  NOPE.  Not with that huge rock on your finger/ear/nose.  You look like you have too much money already.  Sorry, you can email HR though – who’ll promptly delete your complaint, for all the same gem encrusted reasons. 

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-lady-stressed-work

4 – Diamonds are very hard, and in some cases, very sharp.  Now, what do you think happens when you lose weight?  Your digits shrink and your rings become loose.  The harmless activities of every day life can cause your ring to droop down, and when you go to close your hand around a plump orange or send a hilarious (in your mind) tweet – OW!  Your backwards set diamond has just stabbed ye, and it’s off to the E.R. for an afternoon of agony.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-old-lady-pain-hand

5 – Let’s paint a similar scenario: you’ve dropped some pounds and all your clothes are now hanging on you.  You casually attempt to hail a cab and – whoosh – your ring goes flying off your slender finger and into the night.  Oops.  You are not even aware of this until later, when you realize you’ve just lost an item that cost thousands upon thousands of greenbacks.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-crying-man-comforted-beard

6 – You may be grinning to yourself at this point, thinking “Ha!  I never lose weight – in fact, I’ve been steadily gaining girth for years!”  Well, touché.  Oh, you may want to consider this though; those who have amassed extra poundage and have rings that are now permanently stuck on their fingers are at a great risk of losing circulation entirely and, ultimately, needing to have their finger amputated.    Won’t be so funny anymore, when you’re walking around giving people ‘High Fours.’

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-surgeons-high-five

7 – Diamonds are forever.  That is, until you can’t find them anymore.  If you happen to fall into the grouping of people who squirrel away your diamonds in remote corners of your cellar, attic or furnace, there may come a day when you are ready to remove said stones and: WAH?  They’re missing!  From actual squirrels (and other pesky varmints) that just love to burrow into tight places and pilfer shiny things to similarly rodential children and grabby roof shingle repairmen, there’s a whole host of creatures/people who can get to your gems before you do.  Sell those rocks before they get their grubby little mitts on them first.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-dirty-miner-underground

8 – For every old diamond that doesn’t get sold, a “new” diamond must be excavated from the ground to meet diamond consumer demand.  This endless stream of terrestrial destruction has anything but a positive impact on the environment; in fact, it wreaks havoc on certain sensitive ecosystems, which can ultimately lead to the decimation of endangered species and worldwide environmental devastation.  So, essentially, every time you don’t sell your old diamonds, the air we breathe becomes poisonous and a baby seal dies. 

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-scared-cute-baby-seal

9 – Owning a diamond engagement ring leads to divorce.  Statistics show that out of all divorced couples, over 80% of them had a diamond engagement ring exchanged (well, this documentation refers to ‘married coules,’ but all divorced couples were married at one time, so whatever).  The numbers don’t lie.  Sell your diamond engagement ring right now, or the chances are highly in favor that you will get divorced.  Already divorced?  Well, there you have it then.  Best to sell any residual diamonds before they can do any more damage.  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-Liza-Minelli-weird

10 – Finally, we have the most substantial (and serious) reason.  While diamond demand has not waned dramatically in the U.S., international diamond prices have seen a significant downward spiral.  This is no passing trend; it’s just the way things are.  Take a gander at what some of these news sources have to say on the matter: Forbes, Time, MarketWatch.  The smartest economic decision you can make in this very moment is to sell your diamonds now, before things get exponentially worse.  The good news here is that at Diamond Lighthouse we can help you recover the absolute highest value for your diamond jewelry (typically any piece that features a diamond 1 carat and higher).  Our unrivaled open bidding platform will get you the best price for your diamond, every single time.  Find out more, right…NOW!  

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-fancy-lady

-Joe Leone

How to Rekindle your Relationship with Your Diamond

10 Fun Things to Do with Your Diamond

DiamondLighthouse-selling-beautiful-woman-loves-ring-sparkle

You and your diamond have had quite the run, haven’t you?  It’s stayed on your left ring finger, around your neck, on your nose or belly button, or some other place we won’t discuss right now, for a nice long while.  You’ve seen various parts of this great country of ours together; heck, you’ve maybe even crossed seas and gazed upon grandiose iconic worldly sights as one.

But, like all relationships, things can eventually turn stale.

It doesn’t seem to sparkle as brightly when you glance at it now – or maybe you’re just not appreciating it the way you once did.  Well, the only solution is to jump start your once powerful bond and leave the stagnant waters of complacency behind.  Here are ten fun things you can do with your diamond to bring the luster back into your brilliantly shared life.

1) Wear your engagement ring to a Singles Night.

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-cute-girls-do-shots-at-bar

Look, everybody loves attention; your diamond is definitely no exception.  When you proudly don your diamond engagement ring to a singles night, numerous potential suitors (and even a few curious ladies) will inquire about what you are doing there/why are you wearing the ring/can they possibly join you in a polygamous union?  As you flirtatiously flaunt your diamond around and talk all about it, the two of you will feel a renewed kinship and complicit affinity for one another.

2) Bring it to a basket/foot/baseball game and when the Kiss Cam gets to you, shove your loved one out of the way and kiss your diamond instead.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-couple-football-game-kiss

What better way to make the whole world jealous than to project your love onto the jumbo-tron?  With that beautifully cheesy heart graphic superimposed around you two, your friends at home watching ESPN will be simultaneously jealous…and baffled.  Your diamond will be eternally grateful for the unbridled outburst of affection.

3) Take it to a Natural History Museum and show your diamond its roots.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-dinosaurs-Trex-museum

Have you ever taken the time to let your diamond really reminisce about where it comes from?  Hit the Geology wing of any reputable museum and let your diamond stroll down memory lane as it recounts its time as a young, wide-eyed piece of carbon, hanging with its friends deep beneath the earth’s crust.  Let it regale you with the enthralling tale of how it shot up on the Kimberlite express to the planet’s surface, eventually making its way to your finger; and into your heart.

4) Hang around a section of a jewelry store where the diamonds showcased are all of a smaller size and/or inferior quality.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-women-looking-for-rings-jewelry

Nothing boosts your diamond’s spirits like letting it feel superior to others.  Let’s face it, the diamond world is a highly competitive one; each stone is precisely measured and evaluated, and microscopic flaws can have a dramatic impact on its desirability.  When you compare your diamond to a bunch of less attractive stones, it will feel like a million bucks.  Add to this tantalizing tableau a bunch of onlookers, shopping for their own diamond, who can only gaze at yours in envy.  The perfect jolt to your team-self-esteem.

5) Attend a lecture on a serious topic of some sort; use your diamond to reflect light into the presenter/orator’s eye.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-lecture-hall-people

Executing wacky pranks with your loved stone instantly interjects a little joy back into your waning relationship.  Utilizing your diamond’s primary strength (that of reflecting/refracting light – in this case, into the ocular region of some boring person), will have the two of you giggling with glee.  Well, you at least (the diamond has no mouth).

6) On the night of the first snowfall of the year, throw your diamond into the pristine white blanket of snow – then find it.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-snow-field-eve

Toss that cherished stone directly into the awaiting ivory mounds.  Wait a minute.  Then begin your quest.

As you frantically paw at the accumulated snow, freezing your little digits off, you will feel a growing sense of urgency and reinvigorated passion for your diamond.  The thought that you will never find it crosses your mind, and you even panic a bit.  Once you see that tiny sparkle amongst the fallen flakes, you will breathe a sigh of relief like no other.  Reunited with your diamond, you’ll see how much it truly means to you.  From your diamond’s perspective, it’s quite the adventure as well; surrounded by millions of snow flakes (which are all singular and unique, just like every diamond) it can undergo a humbling experience too.

7)  Watch any of these films about diamond heists together.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-Netflix-and-chill-alone-chick

Have your very own “Netflix and chill” session with your diamond.  The two of you will unconsciously feel the need to cuddle close together as onscreen gems are stolen from their rightful owners.  You will clutch your diamond ever so tightly, reassured that the two of you truly belong together for eternity.

8)  Have a spa/pamper day-cum-ring cleaning.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-lady-at-spa-bliss-beautiful-face

Get your hair, nails and face did – all while your diamond looks on.  Take it to the jeweler for its own cleansing and you’ll have quite the rewarding reciprocal endeavor.

9)  Create an instagram account that is soley selfies of you and your diamond.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-sexy-model-takes-selfie

After your friends and loved ones see the glorious series of shots of just the two of you together, all you need to tell them is this: don’t be #jelly.

10)  Etch your love to the world.

DiamondLighthouse-selling-graffiti-street-art-Prague

That’s right; it’s time for some good ole fashioned graffiti.  Using your diamond’s unfathomably hard edges, scratch you and your diamond’s initials (encircled in a big heart) all over town (*if you do not know your diamond’s initials, feel free to just inscribe its GIA certification number).  Into the town’s oldest oak tree, the huge bay window at the mall, your annoying neighbor’s car; there’s literally no surface you can’t use to espouse you and your diamond’s undying love.  Seeing your mutual affection indelibly raked into the canvases of everyday life, you will once again feel in your heart that the two of you are made for each other (…one of you made by other humans, the other made by heat, pressure and dirt).

Hopefully, after employing these delightful techniques, you and your diamond will fully appreciate each other once again.  If these methods just dont do the trick, alas, it is sad to say that all hope may be lost for you and your little gem friend.  If this is the case, it probably is time to part ways and move on in a sensitive, mature and morally conscientious way.  Why not let someone else enjoy your diamond?  You both will be able to reach your full potential then.  Check out diamondlighthouse.com.  We will find a good home for your diamond, and you will be compensated for the highest amount possible.   Please, do the right thing; for you and your diamond.

-Joe Leone 

What Leads to Divorce?

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-divorce-signs-marriage

The most common cause of a marriage crumbling has got to be infidelity, correct?  Nope.  While cheating has caused many a marriage to dissolve, the following issues are responsible for even more mass destruction of the holiest of unions.

Rush, rush…

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-couple-rushing-running

Rushing into things

One of the primary reasons why divorce occurs is the simple fact that certain couples should never get married in the first place.  People often feel that they should just “go with the flow” once marriage in on the table.  Whether it’s because you’ve found the perfect new house to live in, your parents “really, really like” them, you’ve finally booked that wedding venue that’s impossible to obtain or you just think you’d produce really cute kids, you shouldn’t rush into marriage.  You need to be fully and fundamentally prepared to spend the rest of your lives together.  If something just doesn’t feel right, the odds are in favor that you will end up consulting with a divorce attorney at some point down the line.

I Can’t Live Without You

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-clingy-woman-flowerLosing your identify

Have you noticed that you all but lose the ability to do anything on your own once you enter into a serious relationship?  Beyond enjoying their company, do you need your partner with you at all times?  If this is the case, there is a probably a deeper issue at hand, which needs to be dealt with.  If this doesn’t get addressed, and you enter into marriage, then very hard times are indeed in store.  Either you will fall further down the rabbit hole and your personal identity will become more opaque and/or your partner will tire of your incessant clinginess.

New Kid in Town

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-divorce-angry-couple-child

Going from ‘couple’ to ‘parents’ 

If you elect to produce a brood of your very own, there are some pitfalls that you could inadvertently (and easily) end up in.  The most detrimental thing that happens, quite a bit, is that married duos cease to be a “couple” anymore and fully transition into “parent only mode.”  Their identity is now solely that of “mother” and “father.”  Even if these newfound roles seem to be working out for a while, eventually a major roadblock pops up.  Guess what happens when the kids go off to college?  That’s right; mom and pop no longer have anyone to spend their days ‘parenting,’ and the couples now just stare blankly at each other, completely having forgotten what they ever had to discuss other than their kids.

I can see clearly now…

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-ethnic-divorce-angry-couple

Disparity in vision

When couples enter into marriage without discussing what their immediate, short and long term goals are, they can be headed for serious trouble.  Aside from major issues (which typically are addressed by even the most impetuous couples), which include having children, purchasing homes, etc., there are smaller topics that may seem too inconsequential to discuss before getting married, but then come back with a vengeance.  If your ideas of what constitute a vacation, a romantic evening, a relaxing day together differ or are conflicting, over time this can really wear on the relationship.  Sometimes it can seem as if your spouse has changed over time and that you no longer understand their wants/needs – but the truth is that these things were always just under the surface, and neither of you took the time (or were subconsciously scared) to confront them.

You’re As Cold As Ice

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-divorce-angry-couple

The loss of intimacy

This can be tricky.  One day, everything is fine in the romance creation department, and then whoops…either one person says the wrong thing, the other exhibits a less than open attitude in the boudoir and then…BAM:  Ice Age, the Marriage.  Now an invisible wall goes up between partners and it can take some real effort to demolish/melt it.  The key is that women, usually, like to be romanced; to be made to feel special, desired and loved.  Men can be more physically oriented, and simply respond well to contact/touching.  If both partners aren’t getting what they need, then things can continue down a very negative path which ultimately leads to insurmountable distance.

Blame game

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-bed-divorce-angry-couple

Not taking responsibility for your happiness

If one person isn’t feeling blissful, they can take it out on their partner.  Certain times, the unhappy party will feel it’s their spouse’s responsibility to make the changes necessary to accommodate their woes and subsequently make them happy again.  Unfortunately, this hardly ever works out.  Each member of a couple should always be sensitive to their partner’s needs, but you are ultimately the only one in charge of your personal happiness.

Money money money…Mon-ey!

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-couple-fighting-money

Financial misunderstandings 

The ironic thing about couples that argue intensely over money is that they do not necessarily lack it.  The discrepancy is usually about how their money should be spent.  When each person brings a contrasting financial philosophy to the table (ie – ‘spend now’ versus ‘save for tomorrow’), a cornucopia of complications can arise.  These problems just become further exacerbated as the years go by.  Each person’s financial habits become more and more ingrained in their lives, thereby frustrating their partner exponentially.

You’re out of touch…we’re out of time

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-divorce-Asian-angry-couple

The absence of physical contact

Aside from sexual healing, every couple needs to be intimate in the physical realm outside the bedroom.  The simplest morning kiss, hug or other embrace can set the tone for a lovely day.  Without this form of contact, a great emotional divide begins to set in.  At the end of the day, if you don’t want to touch your partner, there is a real crisis in connection which can very often lead to the big “D.”

Let It Go

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-angry-man-fist

Holding on to bitterness

Some people have a very difficult time letting go of resentment after an argument or disagreement.  When this occurs, there is a cumulative effect, essentially creating a reservoir of negative feelings.  It only is a matter of time before the damn bursts, and a devastating outpouring of vitriol is unleashed.  Try to resolve disputes whenever possible, and then talk about your feelings, rationally, afterwards.  Otherwise, a one way ticket to divorce court could be in your near future.

-Joe Leone

After a Break-Up …How to Make Your Ex Jealous

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-sad-beautiful-girl-jealous-couple

There is undoubtedly a plethora of articles out there (on the wild wild web) which give solid and sound advice on how to cope with break-ups and move on in a mature and emotionally sound manner.

This is not one of those articles.

While some people may tell you to ‘think about the future,’ about ‘what’s next,’ who’s to say that it’s not just as ‘healthy’ (…or morbidly satisfying) to dwell on the past, to really luxuriate in every painful, heart-wrenching moment, and to dream up new ways to make your ex-partner seethe with jealousy?  Here is a fairly thorough list of marvelous methods and spurious schemes that you can employ to pull your former flame into a web of personal turmoil and regret.

(If you have any other inventively insidious ideas, please comment!)

Photo Fun Bonanza

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-happy-fun-group

So, we’ve finally identified the real purpose of social media.  It is the perfect outlet to post pictures of yourself having SO much fun, with all manner of cool, exhilarating (and possibly new) “friends”/potential lovers.  The goal is that your ex then views these titillating pics and feels instantly envious of your exciting experiences while they sit home alone in their underwear gorging themselves on Cheetos and Haagen Dazs, whist “marathoning” some insipid Netflix show.  Make sure your photos always showcase you with a radiant smile on your face, in as many electrifying places as you can drum up.  That said, you don’t want to have pics where you are aggressively making out with some sexy stranger, though; that just comes off as ostentatiously sad.  Just the hint of a new beau, vaguely situated somewhere in the photo (or, the insinuation that this person is the one taking the picture) will do the trick.  The unknown is always more frightening (and annoying) than facing full-on reality.

The Glorious Grapevine

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-hot-girl-typing

Simply hearing about how splendrous your post-them life is will really irk your ex.  If you have mutual friends (who are more in your corner than your ex’s) that can relay messages of your newfound liberation, happiness and utter love of existence (even if none of these things are actually occurring) to your preterite sweetie, then this step will be a piece of cake.  The challenge comes when you no longer have a direct or even tangential line of communication to your ex.  How in the heck are you going to rub it in their faces that you are more jovial than you’ve ever been?  Easy.  You just need to start a blog.  Similar to an Instagram account stuffed with joyous pictures, a blog is another great way to relate your new tales of wonder and bliss, but now with ever so potent words.  The best part?  You can make it all up!  While a picture usually needs some semblance of truth to convey your glee (unless you are a master at staging faux gaiety), a well crafted blog post can express sundry magical journeys and emotions like no other medium.  Or, if you’re fairly adept with a video camera, combine both methods of voicing your exultation into one: a vibrant and secretly villainous vlog.

C’mon, Get Healthy 

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-funny-fat-guy-working-out

What’s the one thing you want to do after you get dumped?  Why, eat a eat Krispy Kremes until you can’t buckle your pants anymore.  Most counselors would tell you that this is not a good way to approach emotional recovery; that you should take care of your physical health in order to benefit your mental health.  Well, they are right, but for the wrong reasons.  Now is the time to shun all fat, carbs, gluten or anything else that tastes good and attack the gym like Rocky did in every single Rocky movie (except Rocky 3, that was just awful).  You must shed any extra poundage and get yourself in ship-shape condition.  Next, it’s off to the most expensive salons you can unearth, for a full body everything.  You need to look your absolute BEST, so the next time your ex encounters you (or even a grainy tagged photo of you), you look so stunning that they all but weep, throw themselves to the filthy sidewalk and beg forgiveness for their foolhardy ways.  Truly much more satisfying than any Snickers bar.

The Ring’s the Thing 

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-funny-hot-girl-jealous-ring-happy-friend

Now, this one requires a bit of patience.  Timing truly is everything here; if you show up too soon with a colossal rock or gleaming gold band on that deliciously conspicuous left ring finger, you’re going to look desperate and weird.  Wait about ten months (this way it won’t look like you did it in order to supersede any sort of illegitimate pregnancy), and then don that symbolic ring of beautiful betrothal with flare!  Once you do this, you won’t even need to force this information on your ex – news of it will just spread like wildfire.  The best part of this maneuver?  That’s right, you guessed it: you don’t even need to be dating anyone.  The ring alone conveys volumes of devastatingly delectable information.

(*Once this diamond ring has worn out it’s usefulness, rather than toss it into the recycling bin, feel free to let diamondlighthouse.com recover the highest amount of cash for it, for you.  This further explained here.)

Ok…  Perhaps some of these measures seem a tad extreme.  Ultimately, it’s up to you exactly how you want to make you ex jealous, envious or agitated.  The most important thing to realize is that your happiness is of ut most importance, whether it’s genuine or simply fabricated for the sake of a Pinterest post.

Diamond-Lighthouse-selling-logo

-Joe Leone